Vayechi 5772

Preparing to die, Jacob calls his sons to his bedside.  “Come together that I may tell you what is to befall you in days to come” (49:1).  He speaks to each one, assessing his character, both positive and negative, and prognosticating.  Among these: 

Reuben, you are my first-born, my might and first fruit of my vigor, exceeding in rank and exceeding in honor.  Unstable as water, you shall excel no longer; for when you mounted your father’s bed, you brought disgrace—my couch he mounted! 

Simeon and Levi are a pair; their weapons are tools of lawlessness.  …  When angry they slay men, and when pleased they maim oxen.  Cursed be their anger so fierce, and their wrath so relentless.  (49:3-7)

And yet the Torah has told us clearly that Jacob blessed his sons:  “this is what their father spoke to them and blessed them; each man, according to his blessing, he blessed them.”  Which is it—blessing or curse?  Can a parent intend to bless, but actually deliver a curse?

It is easy to diminish a child without intending to.  We meet their eager glee with “not now.”  We reply to a text in the middle of their story.  We compare them to others.  We set standards reflecting our own abilities, not theirs. 

Children listen to us closely.  They are far subtler with language than we give them credit for.  Sometimes, they hear what we don’t even know we’re saying.