Jacob, born immediately after his twin, Esau, grabs onto the elder’s heel in an apparent claim for primacy.  His parents name him “Ya’akov,” from the Hebrew for “heel” – “akev.”

Jacob is not alone.  We all grab on to things – objects, ideas, stories – and hold on to them for dear life.  They become part of our self-image, even though they may no longer serve us.

Parents, for example, sometimes hold on to a vision of their child as she used to be, not as she is now.  We are imprinted with a sense of them at a younger age when they needed certain things from us – whether cutting their food, driving them to school, or giving them advise.  Even though our image of them gets updated from time to time, it remains nonetheless out of date.  It’s hard, as parents, to stay current with such ever-evolving creatures.  Still, our highest quest is to be the people they need us to be today, not give them what they needed earlier.

To do that, we have to let go of the image we carry of them.  We all know it’s true, but it remains difficult to accomplish.

Some thoughts:

·         Can you observe yourself interacting with your child?  What do you notice?  (Watching videos of myself with my son helped me spot patterns in the way I talk to him.)

·         Can you observe your child during your interactions?  What are his non-verbal messages to you? 

·         Can you ask your child (whether young or adult) what they need from you that they are not getting?  Do they feel there are ways you are treating them that are not age appropriate?  Can you listen to their words and, simultaneously, clue in to what’s behind the words?  Will you take what they say to heart?

·         Can you inventory your behaviors, and see which need discarding?  Just as parents regularly move through a child’s room and purge outdated toys and books, so can we discard outmoded actions.

·         Can you anticipate your child’s next stage, and help them transition into it?  Human beings of all ages need to be challenged and encouraged to develop.  “Scaffolding” is the practice of providing support so that the child can reach a little further than s/he could alone.

Sometimes, holding on can be as comforting as a much-loved teddy bear.  Sometimes it can hold us back.

Chayyei Sarah 5774

Isaac “went out toward evening to stroll in the field” (Genesis 24:63).

The out-of-doors beckons, especially to those of us who spend our time inside.  Underneath the expanse of sky, our minds open and our souls can breathe again. 
 

Now that the weather is fine, go for a walk.  What sights and smells can you discover when you amble around the block or hike through the desert?  Whom can you meet?  Of course, exercise is good for us any day.  But a stroll is especially soulful on Shabbat, the Day of Delight.  Consider making a Shabbat “constitutional” part of your spiritual practice.  It’s a way to admire God’s handiwork, care for your body, breath, and nourish your soul all at the same time.

It is no coincidence that Isaac, during his stroll, “looked up and saw – camels coming!  And Rebekah looked up” at him from her camel and the two fell in love (Genesis 24:63-64).

When we go outside, we open ourselves to all sorts of possibilities – new sensations, new ideas, new experiences, and maybe even love.  Getting outside the walls of our lives makes us free.

Vayera 5774

An anomaly is an opportunity.

“The Eternal appeared to [Abraham] by the oaks of Mamre,” opens Parashat Vayera (Genesis 18:1). In the very next verse, however, “[Abraham] saw – lo!  Three men standing opposite him!”  Did Abraham see one God, or did he see three beings?  Was it first God, and then the three?  Or were God and the three one and the same?  How can we explain the variation?  Great rabbis have debated the point over the centuries.

Abraham and Sarah famously welcome the travelers to their tent, washing their feet and serving them a meal.  Abraham and Sarah see that their needs are met.

This passage reminds me to see God within other people.  God need not be some distant, celestial Being.  Nor need God be some abstract force in the Universe.  Rather, God can be embodied in human beings, a traveler through experience as each of us is.  I believe that God perceives existence through our perceptions.  We serve God when we serve each other.

When I hear your stories and what’s happening in your lives, whether after services or in my office, I feel I’m hearing God. When I hold your hands in hospital rooms, I feel I’m holding God’s hand.

A young child recently told me that he loved “the whole entire world,” and asked me how he could give the world a hug.  I told him that the world has lots of parts, and that when we hug – or help – any one of them, we are hugging the whole world.

When we serve each other, we serve God.

Lech L'cha 5774

“Lech-l’cha – get going,” God says to Abram.   “You’ve been resting long enough, and there is important work to do.  It will not wait.  Leave the past behind.  It is over and done and no longer serves you.  Set out on the path that all have walked – the one that leads to the future.  You cannot know what awaits you, what you will encounter or whom you will become, but you cannot stay here, in this present moment, any longer.  See?  The moment is passed already.  Now get moving.”
With the simple words “lech l’cha,” God moves Abram our father from the safety of what he knows to the danger of what he does not.  God moves Abram from the complacency of what is to the wonder of what could be.  In so doing, God requires of Abram that he become more than a man.  God requires a hero, one who accepts and fulfills his quest, showing humanity what’s possible.
In launching out, Abram becomes a model for each of us who have followed in his sandy steps.  He inspires us to find what the future has in store, create our own possibilities, and live the lives we wish to live. We can become the greatest possible versions of ourselves.
Abram is our father and our role model, and we are his sons and daughters, when we become aware that we are perpetually in the process of becoming, and that we can go anywhere and become anyone at all. 
Step off the curb.  Step into uncertainty.  Step out of your comfort zone.  Start becoming your fullest self.
It all begins with a single step.  What’s yours?

Noach 5774

The Torah explains why human beings speak different languages:  after they built a great tower to “make a name” for themselves, God frustrates their scheme by “confusing their speech so that no one understands thwart the other is saying” (Genesis 11:4, 7).  Humanity is then scattered all over the earth.

The Tower of Babel passage repeatedly uses the Hebrew word “safah” for language.  The word is derived from the Hebrew for “lips” – “safot.”  It’s similar to the English use of “tongue.”  Perhaps that is why we struggle to understand each other.

Human beings emphasize the speaking component of language.  But listening well is equally important.  Thoughtful listeners seek to understand what words mean to the speaker, not just to him or herself.  They strive to empathize with how the speaker is feeling, and what motivates him or her to speak.  They stop doing other things, and don’t interrupt or demonstrate boredom.  Instead, they indicate their interest through eye contact and nods of the head.  They consider what they’ve heard.  All these signal that we are dialed in to what the speaker is saying.

Listening is a major component of communication, and Americans don’t do it particularly well.  We talk at and past each other, and rarely listen closely.  We assume we know what other people are thinking.

Perhaps this is why the quintessential Jewish statement is the Shema.  It reminds us to listen.  It requires us to listen.

In the next two months, our congregation will engage in Shma Emanuel – a program of listening to each other about what we want from our synagogue.  Some events will take place in living rooms.  They’ll be facilitated salons where we can share ideas, frustrations, and hopes with an eye towards the future.  Some will take place at the synagogue, presenting the reality of Temple Emanuel:  the finances, the organization, the results of our resent congregational survey.  Watch this space for details.  This project is vitally important, and we truly need your input.  Through Shma Emanuel, the community will listen to you, and you will be able to listen to your fellows.  By listening, we are strengthened.