Matot -- 5776

A neder is a vow.

“If a householder makes a neder to God or takes an oath imposing an obligation on himself, he shall not break his pledge; he must carry out all that has crossed his lips” (Numbers 30:3).

Judaism understands that our words have extraordinary power.  That’s especially true of words declared to God.  Even so, our tradition holds that all speech has great impact.

Speech is an essential dimension of the human animal.  We are called “HaM’daber – the Speaker,” for that’s what distinguishes us from the other species.  In the Torah, Adam’s very first action is to give names to every creature (Genesis 2:19-20).

Words shape reality.  When a rabbi declares “I now pronounce you married,” the couple, their families, and the IRS accept the change in status.  When a judge declares a person “guilty,” their life heads off in a profoundly different direction.

The rabbis of old understood that words can cause extreme damage, and named several language-related sins, among them humiliating, gossiping, lying, and rebuking improperly.

The principle of not humiliating another person is called “lo levayesh.”  According to a sage in the Mishnah, public shaming is equivalent to shedding blood.  So grave is the offense that “one who whitens a friend’s face (by putting him or her to shame) in public has no share in the World to Come” (Baba Metziah 58b-59a).

It is sometimes necessary to rebuke one who is doing wrong.  Leviticus instructs us to engage in rebuke/tochechah when we can correct faulty behavior (Leviticus 19:17).  But, Maimonides added, we must do so privately, gently, and for our friend’s own good – not our own self-aggrandizement.  There are right ways, and there are wrong ways, to instruct others.

Through this thoroughly surprising election season, I’m reminded of the power of words.  We’ve seen that words can energize and inspire, and also that they can inflame and harm.   Words can help us articulate our shared values and understand our differences.  They can chart and refine our collective path.  They can also belittle, deceive, and hide.

As Jews, we are asked to choose our words carefully so that they will be true, helpful, and good.  We value honesty, integrity, and modesty in speech and we ask that God will, in the words of prayer Elohai Ntzur,

guard my tongue from evil and my lips from deception. 

Before those who slander me, I will hold my tongue; I will practice humility. 

[Mishkan Tfilah 100]