The Hebrews pledge to “keep to the beaten track, and if we
or our cattle drink your water, we will pay for it. We ask only for passage on foot – it is but a
small matter” (Numbers 20:19). Edom
refuses again, this time “strongly armed.”
He will not give; he will not share.
Some people have a deficit mentality. They live in a state of deprivation, assuming
that there won’t be enough. For whatever
sound reasons, they perpetually fear running out, being left without. The glass is half-empty and the pitcher
cracked. When asked, they invariably lead
with ‘no.’
In the Torah, Moses counters Edom’s refusal with logic,
saying, in essence, “Don’t worry -- we will not take from you.” But this is rarely effective when dealing
with someone with a deficit mentality. Since
their perception of the situation is based in fear, they can always come up
with a counter-argument. Such people
trust best in the context of relationship, when they know their needs are known
and respected.
When Moses tells the King of Edom “it is but a small
matter,” he signals that he doesn’t take the King’s fears seriously. Why would I trust someone who diminishes my
feelings? What if Moses had instead said
“I can imagine that you’re nervous about having so many people walk through
your land. You have a lot of people to
protect and, after all, resources are scarce.
I am hoping you can help us in our plight. What do you need from us to allow us to pass
through your lands?”
If Moses had spoken in such a respectful way, and within the
context of a relationship, perhaps Edom wouldn’t have felt all walked over.
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